I really didn’t want my new post in months to be a sad one, but unfortunately, I have to get this off my chest. Today was horrible. Honestly, it wasn’t THAT bad, but take the last couple months of new meds (anti depressants), counseling, feeling discouraged and useless at my job, feeling not appreciated at my job, feeling like I let everyone down at my job, feeling like I’ll never get the approval of my supervisors at my job, and many other things… and I am done. I burst into tears in my car as soon as I got off work. I literally made everyone upset with me, in some way shape or form. Of course, you may all think I’m exaggerating, but it’s true… I did.
As I was crying I thought back on my last counseling session (I declared 2015 as a year of healing and boy is it!) and how I always rated myself 2nd best or in last place. I was never first, especially when it comes to a guy I may or may not be interested in. I realized I believe I will never be the heroine of my story. I may try, but in my mind I will always be the screw up, no matter what comes to me. Some of my favorite stories are of Cinderella, Maid Marion, Ella from Ella Enchanted. They all had not so great obstacles in front of them but they all overcame them. But I only saw myself in their shoes forever stuck in the mire and muck.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that feels this way. With all the evil, insecurities, and abuse that’s in the world today (heartbreakingly enough), there’s bound to be many of you out there that feel this way. Which, honestly, makes me feel a little encouraged, though I do not wish these feelings of inadequacy on you. It’s just a relief to know I’m not alone.
But honestly, as much as I WISH, so WISH, I was the hero or my own story, we actually never will be. Because life isn’t about us. It’s about God. All of us are apart of the best story ever, a love story actually, where the Hero is the One who saves the day, and all of our lives if we let Him. Our lives are not about us, they’re about Him.
One of my favorite quotes is by Francis Chan that says, “The point of your life is to point to Him. Whatever you are doing, God wants to be glorified, because this whole thing is His. It is His movie, His world, His gift.” (Crazy Love)
So next time you’re like me (totally preaching to the choir here) and about to have a pity party because you messed up yet again and are discouraged with your story, remember that this whole thing isn’t about us. Once we get the appropriate perspective, our lives become healthier, more full of joy, and easier to take the moments where life goes to pits.
It’s so incredibly hard to do, and it’s going to be a challenge tonight, but I’ve done it before, so I know it’s possible.
Let’s keep our eyes on the Author and Finisher of our story, because honestly, it’s ultimately His, not ours. He’s the Hero, and guess what?? We’re His. 🙂
Hope you have a blessed week.
Woman of Purity~