My dear future husband…
I’m not going to lie, I’m having a really hard time today.
Actually the last few weeks, but especially today. I’m not the most patient person (I’m sure you’ll learn this fairly quickly) and learning to wait on God’s timing is just SO hard for me. Sometimes I think I get it and decide I am content to wait for however long it takes for you to enter my life. But then the rest of the time I want to rush time. I was to skip ahead like Jenna from 13 going on 30 did (You probably won’t ever watch that movie, so never mind on the reference), except then I’d miss all the in-between.
But today was especially hard. You see, I think I know who you are. I think so, but then whenever I try to be in the same vicinity as you, it never works out, so maybe it isn’t so. You always end up somewhere else. And this one girl who likes you probably as much as me is always there. Of course, whenever I don’t try, somehow you always show up. It takes everything in me to keep any jealousy at bay.
I wish I could cry out and reach out to you so you could hear me. I wish I could let you know how I feel so you would notice me. I feel like I’m stuck in a sound proof life and no matter how hard I try to show you I am here, I feel like my voice isn’t heard. It just bounces back in my face, doubling the pain inside.
But you know what, even among all this pain I may be experiencing right now, I am (and have been) in the process of learning my worth and value does not exist in your acknowledgement of me. It may take me a while to get to a point where my sole fulfillment is found in Christ, but thankfully I have a counselor (and loved ones… and of course Jesus) that can help get me there.
And honestly, who I think you are may not actually be you. I may not have even met you yet! Of course, if you’re better suited for me than this particular guy is, than you are going to be one amazing man! That is a promise I am standing on.
Because when we allow God to direct our lives, He never plans for us to get second best. He gives us His very best.
Every. Single. Time.
So here is me, verbally encouraging and trying to empower myself to know and remember my worth is in Christ, not in you or in who I think you are. God is the one that deems me to be worth more than diamonds and gold. I am more precious than anything of value in this world combined (and that is A LOT)! It’s says so all throughout the Bible, which is the true Word of God.
And… on days like today when I am feeling discouraged (actually, just in general, but especially like today), I’m going to do everything I can to honor you. I will release you back to God, because honestly, you really aren’t mine. You’re His. He still has a lot to do in and through your life while you’re still single. I will keep praying for you, especially that God will continue to grow and develop your character and life. And above all, I will keep fighting for healing over my own heart so I can give you my all as well.
So, my dear future husband, I may feel super bummed at times and discouraged, but I know a God that writes some pretty awesome love stories. I can’t wait to see how He creates and writes ours.
May God be your source and may He bless you in all that you do.
Woman of Purity~