My dear future husband,
I thought about you today.
Well, I mean, I think about you most days, but today I really thought about you. (Side note: I’ve also been reading Anne of Green Gables so my mind has been on romantic things the last couple of days, ha) I was on my way to church for youth group and I was thinking about how God has been working in my life and on my heart. I’d become callused and my heart had become hardened, but God in His grace has been softening me these last couple weeks, breaking up my “fallow ground” as ____ talks about.
Anyway, as I drove, I wished I could see you face to face to share with you all that I had been experiencing.
What it’s been like to finally start becoming vulnerable with God.
What it’s been like to start allowing God’s love to wash over me.
What it’s been like to start growing and maturing in life and faith with each passing day.
I mean, I obviously still have issues, as most of us do, but it’s been incredible to see how much God does in our lives when He allows us to. I’m finally opening the doors so God can work in my life. It’s weird, I’ll admit, since I don’t like others getting close, but God’s patience with me blows me away as He ever so painstakingly allows me to work through my issues so His power can shine most through my weaknesses and past mistakes.
I almost feel like a flower that’s growing, pushing through the concrete above. Soon that concrete will break and I will rise above it and bloom into a gorgeous flower.
This picture passed through my mind while I was in my car as my thoughts continued to wander with thoughts and ideas about you. A part of me wishes you were here so you could see the progress and be proud, but then the fear rises up and I hope I don’t meet you until I’ve broken through that concrete.
I’m working on that fear though. I’ve been challenged by God to open up my heart to allow Him to show me true intimacy. He is the only One I never have to fear because His love is pure and He is someone I can truly trust with every aspect of my life. I’ve been challenged by Him that before I could ever have you into my life and in my heart, I must first have Christ fully there. He will heal, restore, and teach me how to be the woman, and potential wife and mom He’s created me to be (which, those last two items I hesitated writing because deep down I still wonder if I’m meant to be single the rest of my life).
Anyway, I hope you are doing well. You are still in my prayers, when I can remember to. I hope you are still continuing to grow in life and in your faith as well.
I can’t wait to meet you and begin doing life together, instead of apart.
With all of me,
Woman of Purity~