Letter To My Future Husband, Pt. 9

Dear Future Husband,

I am so sorry to say this, but…

we need to break up.

Now, while the blood has drained from your face and your heart has stopped for a beat or two, I would like to explain myself. I have a good reason, I promise.

You see… you’re not real. You’re fake.

You don’t exist anywhere because quite frankly,

you’re made up.

It’s harsh, I know, but this needs to be said. I can’t have you in my life anymore because you’re keeping me from the love of my life. This revelation and decision has slowly been dawning on me, but it officially became clear to me that I needed to make this decision after listening to a certain video on Facebook. A young woman named Monica talked about how she almost missed her husband because of someone like you and I realized this was 100% true for myself.

I’m not entirely sure when you entered into my life, but since the day you came in, I have been blinded by your perfection. I have placed my eyes, attention, and ideals solely on you instead of God and His plan for my life.

I became consumed with you and by your love for others, me, ministry, and God. I’ve been caught up daydreaming of what you look like: tall, dark hair, and handsome. I’ve created many different amazing and unexpected ways of how we would meet. I could probably write books upon books of the many different, cheesy ways our lives intertwined in these scenarios. Over the years I have yearned for the attention you would give me daily and/or hourly. In my mind, I created ways you would know small details of my interests and act upon them (i.e. a Build-A-Bear and the song “I Will Be Here” on our wedding day). I’ve wished of dreaming of my future with you: having the perfect amount of kids (3, ha) and living in the perfect house. In these dreams, we would be incredible leaders in our church: you being a youth pastor or leader and me being a women’s ministry leader.

So many “romantic” dates and so many different weddings have been planned of me and you. In each story over the years, you have cherished and loved me in amazing and thoughtful ways… but you’ve been too perfect. Well, in my mind perfect.

Sadly though, no one is.

I’ve been watching a few too many Hallmark movies lately (don’t judge me readers! haha), and one main idea I’ve gleaned from their stories is that you could be “perfect” for me, but that doesn’t mean anything. You could complete my list of all the different qualities I have prayed for, but it still doesn’t mean much. Everyone else could love you and say we are “meant to be together” but it wouldn’t always mean it’s true.

So… with that being said: it’s time for us to say good-bye.

You do not exist outside of my head and I don’t want you to exist in my head anymore. You’ve taken up way too much of my heart and mind for way too long. My heart broke each time a story I created never came true. I’ve let you have too much of me and it’s now time to take my heart and life back and place it into God’s hands, who creates the best love stories ever.

Good-bye pretend future husband. You will not be missed.

Peace.

 

To my actual future husband,

Please let me apologize for ridiculous standards I have held you to. They are not you. When I meet you and build a relationship with you, I want to love you for YOU… not the characteristics you check off on my list, which I will be be getting rid of from here on out. I want to love who you are and who God is continually creating you to be. 

Yes, there are still some characteristics and qualities I will continue to pray for, like your relationship with God, your love for me/being crazy about me, and your character and integrity… but the tiny details I’ve played out in my head that in turn created my pretend future husband, I will no longer hold you to.

Now of course as I am writing this part, I’m beginning to wonder again of what you are like. I wish I knew you so I could piece the puzzle of our lives together. I guess my surrender of the pretend will be a work in progress. There will be times I will miss the pretend future husband and want him back in my life, but I promise you I will do my best to keep sending him packing and placing you in God’s hands instead.

I will continue to pray for you as often as I can, my dear future husband. I hope you are doing well and I pray your relationship with God is growing more and more each day. I pray His gifts are manifesting more and more in you as you continually spend time with Him. I can’t wait to get to know you for who you truly are, quirks and everything, and begin building our lives together. For now though, I will wait for you.

Love you in advance,
Your
~ Woman of Purity

 

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